I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
