can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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