omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
