ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
