Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Are my feet made of real feet?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
