I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
