You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
