Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
