WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
