were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
