She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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