Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
