is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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