Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
