Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
How's work?
Spinning.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
