I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
