Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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