I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
