The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
