I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
