Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
whose ass print is on the piano?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
