You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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