8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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