saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
