We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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