Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
oh god was she eating orange peels again
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
