I love black thongs
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Someone shattered a urinal.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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