just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I FOUND THE LEGS
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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