Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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