I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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