there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
