I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
