He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
