I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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