Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
