Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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