My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
This is my gift to your gina
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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