who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Congratulations! We have a period
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
