I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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