omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
