she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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