I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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