I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
