ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
