"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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