is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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