good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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