I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
