if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
