walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i wish my penis had a tongue
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
