Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Randomize
