perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
