I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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