i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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