You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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