Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
