If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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