I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
