I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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